How to Connect With the Girls in Your New Member Class
Bid Day is exciting: you receive your bid, run to your new chapter, put on a new T-shirt, and take more photos than you can count. But once the music quiets down and the decorations come down, many new members have the same question:
How do I actually connect with the girls in my new member class?
If you do not immediately feel as though you have found your best friends, do not panic. Real friendship usually does not happen in one afternoon. It develops through repeated, ordinary moments—sitting beside someone at a meeting, walking to class together, sharing lunch, or checking in after a difficult day. Here are practical ways to begin building genuine connections in your new member class.
1. Be Willing to Make the First Move
It is easy to wait for someone else to invite you, introduce herself, or start the group chat. But many of the girls around you are probably feeling just as nervous and uncertain as you are.
Be the person who takes the first small step. You do not need to organize a big event. Try something simple:
“Do you want to grab coffee before our new member meeting?”
“I’m heading to the dining hall after class. Want to come?”
“Are you going to the event tonight? We could walk over together.”
“I don’t know many people yet—can I sit with you?”
An invitation does not have to be clever or perfectly timed. It simply communicates, I would like to know you better.
2. Focus on One or Two Connections at a Time
A large new member class can feel overwhelming, especially when it appears that everyone is already forming friend groups. Instead of trying to connect deeply with dozens of people at once, begin with one or two women.
Sit beside someone new at a meeting. Ask the girl you met on Bid Day to get lunch. Follow up with the person who mentioned that she shares your major, hometown, residence hall, or favorite activity.
Friendships often begin with a small point of connection and grow from there. You do not have to know your entire new member class by the end of the first week.
3. Use the Opportunities Your Chapter Gives You
New member meetings, sisterhood events, study hours, meals, service projects, and social activities are not only items on the calendar. They are built-in opportunities to spend time with people repeatedly—and repetition is one of the ways friendships develop.
Whenever possible, arrive a few minutes early instead of walking in at the last second. Stay a little longer instead of immediately leaving. Put your phone away and talk to the person next to you.
You do not need to attend every optional event or exhaust yourself trying to be everywhere. Choose a few opportunities each week and be fully present when you attend.
4. Ask Questions That Go Beyond the Basics
You will probably ask “Where are you from?” and “What is your major?” many times. Those questions are helpful starting points, but stronger connections develop when you keep the conversation going.
Try asking:
What made you choose this school?
What are you most excited about this semester?
What has been the biggest adjustment to college so far?
What do you like to do when you have a free afternoon?
Is there anything on campus you really want to try?
What kind of involvement are you interested in outside the chapter?
Listen for something you have in common or something you genuinely want to know more about. Then ask a follow-up question. People remember how it feels to be truly listened to.
5. Turn Group Connections Into Individual Friendships
Large group activities can help you meet people, but one-on-one or small-group time often creates deeper friendships.
If you enjoy talking with someone during a chapter event, follow up afterward:
“I loved getting to talk tonight. Do you want to study together this week?”
“You mentioned wanting to try that coffee shop—I do too. Want to go Friday?”
“I’m so glad we met! Let’s sit together at the next meeting.”
Specific invitations are easier to respond to than a vague “We should hang out sometime.” Suggest an activity and a general day, then follow through.
6. Do Not Let Social Media Convince You That Everyone Is Closer Than You Are
In the first few weeks after Bid Day, your feed may fill with matching outfits, group photos, and captions about finding “forever friends.” Remember that social media shows moments—not the full reality of relationships.
A photo does not always mean a close friendship. A group chat does not mean everyone feels included. Many girls who appear completely comfortable are still wondering where they fit.
Do not use someone else’s post as evidence that you are behind. Stay focused on the real conversations and small connections happening in your own life.
7. Avoid Locking Into One Group Too Quickly
It can feel reassuring to find a group immediately, but try not to close yourself off during the first few weeks. Continue introducing yourself, changing where you sit, and talking to women outside your first circle.
Your closest friend may be someone you do not meet until a later event, a class, or a new member retreat. Friend groups will naturally shift as everyone becomes more comfortable.
You do not need to abandon the people you already like. Simply leave room for additional friendships to grow.
8. Be the Person Who Helps Others Feel Included
One of the fastest ways to create meaningful connections is to notice who else may need one.
Invite the girl standing alone into your conversation. Save someone a seat. Introduce two people who share an interest. Add the new member who missed an event to the plans. Send a quick text to someone who seemed quiet or overwhelmed.
You do not have to be the most outgoing person in the room to make someone feel welcome. Small acts of inclusion often become the beginning of strong friendships.
9. Let People See the Real You
You may feel pressure to appear fun, confident, busy, and completely adjusted to college. But genuine friendships grow when people are willing to be real.
Share your interests, even if they are different from everyone else’s. Admit when you are nervous. Ask for help when you need it. Let conversations move beyond surface-level updates.
Being authentic does not mean sharing everything immediately. It means allowing people to know you gradually instead of trying to become the version of yourself you think they will like.
10. Give Friendship Time
This may be the most important reminder: you are not behind.
Some women meet a close friend on Bid Day. Others build those relationships over several weeks or months. You may connect with someone quickly and later realize you have more in common with someone else.
The new member process is only the beginning. You will have many opportunities to meet women across your class and throughout the chapter. Keep showing up, initiating plans, asking questions, and following through.
A Simple Challenge for Your First Month
Each week, challenge yourself to:
Introduce yourself to three new people.
Invite one person to do something outside a chapter event.
Sit beside someone different at a meeting.
Check in with one person you have already met.
Include someone who may be standing on the outside.
These actions may feel small, but they create momentum. Familiar faces become conversations. Conversations become plans. Plans become shared experiences—and shared experiences become friendships.
Your New Member Class Is a Starting Point
Joining a sorority does not instantly hand you a group of best friends. It gives you access to a community and the opportunity to build relationships within it.
You do not need to connect with everyone, and not every friendship will become a lifelong one. Focus on finding women with whom you can be yourself, who make the effort feel mutual, and who encourage you to grow.
Be patient. Be brave enough to initiate. Be generous about including others. Most importantly, give yourself and the women around you time to move from being new members in the same class to becoming genuine friends.
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